My mental illness
by NocteIgnis
Summary: The story of despair, madness, affection, happiness and love that could not exist.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Naruto or anything.

She was there again. On the edge of insanity and locked in a room built with her own feelings. The sun had gone long ago, but she still had hope that it will be beautiful, clear day. That the good times gonna come, but she knew like no one else in the world that it will never happen. In her life, nothing has happened as it should be: nothing. she never had what she wanted, needed and now she could only feel the salty taste of tears. It's just another lonely night, but he'll never know. Only one more step and she falls to the damn bridge and, perhaps, with luck, she'll die eventually finally fall asleep, this time forever and finally something succeeds to her . SHE just needed to know. But that's okay, because you can never really know. Good times still to come. She was so close to the edge. It's him. It was because of him, but it wasn't wrong. She just needed HIM to know. But he wasn't there. Not for her. Never for her. She just took a deep breath. She was strangely numb-maybe it's the rain?

-TenTen!

Her long, wavy hair now completely wet, miserably stuck to her cheeks. Thousands days have made her colder, and she still had hope that it will be better, but how could it be? For too long and too much. What could she do? One step, that's all. And that's what she did. For a moment, she felt so light, as if she was flying. And she was flying, she seemed to think so. She had to drop into the water because she was cold, but only for a moment. She's never been asleep so fast . But it was a strange dream. She felt less and less light and more realistic, but it was so good. It was even a bit of fun, definitely easy. But now she was free, right? Why she felt like she was coming back? She didn't want to, there was nothing for her, nothing was waiting.

-Stupid ...

_No, no, no! I do not want to go back! Do not make me! _

-It was so stupid ...

She didn't know the words, what they mean. But she liked the sound. She knew the voice, but she couldn't recognize it. Her whole body was enveloped in fog, which did n't let it make sense. So empty, yet so sweet.

-Wake up. It's okay. Breathe.

Its okay! Good times gonna come. She clung to the newly discovered words as last resort and wasn't going to let go. If the voice-the loved voice- said it would be fine he couldn't lie. She would do anything for that voice-for his voice. Because it was his voice. And it saved her so it had to be him. Suddenly, she drew air rapidly and opened her eyes wide. She was no longer feeling light, not feeling well. The image before her eyes was blurred and constantly gushed.

-You're gonna be ok, you need to TenTen ...

She felt icy needles slowly piercing through her whole body. She was so tired.

-I'm cold, Neji ...

-We'll make it okay.

He was here. For for her. She just took a deep breath. She was strangely numb-maybe it was the rain or maybe it was a dream? She didn't care.


	2. Chapter 2 Make them fade away

It was a week. And he still didn'tt know why she was so suffering. She spent hours sitting watching the rain, he looked at her, but didn't know that she could not forgive him. There was nothing, only emptiness. She didn't have her place, she knew now and he didn't know why. He wanted to apologize to her . For what- there was so many things. She waited there until he tells her that everything is a big mistake. In all this rain there was still no sense, he saved her, but still did not love her, he did not want her. She did nt have her place. She felt so helpless, with no shelter. She so wanted him to see , that he could be her. And still she waited. Throughout her despair.

Neji again looked at her. Brown hair scattered on her shoulders. All of her broken into pieces, just broken. For what? For him, there was no explanation. He was afraid to even say the word-after all, she could break up and disappear. He didn't want that to happen, so he kept silent, not aware that it was he ,and no one else, was one who can destroy her or fix her with just one word. He was so ridiculous, so blind. He just thought he was useless by now-for her. He just wanted it to end. He wanted to let it recover. Go out and may never return-for her. He knew that she would never be able to find herself if he'll be here.

-Save me again-she whispered- just once.

Still she was staring blankly out the window, but Neji could swear that she said it to him. So he stayed.

-I can't-he said too softly for him.

-No one else can , Neji.

Hyuga felt a cold stab of regret. He loved her, but what could he do? He wasn't sure. He walked over to her and held out his hand just to get it immediately back.

-How? - Asked wryly.

TenTen looked at him with sad eyes. She smiled -how could she smile?

-How can you be so blind? You're a genius of Hyuga clan, Neji. Treasury, a Prodigy. Still, you can not see that you're my reason-she said bitterly, looking at his pale eyes. He was the reason?

-TenTen ...?

-Won't see me, right? Even if I die. So why do I live? Why can't you understand?! - She almost cried - I love you, you're my obsession, my everything! But you don't even bother! I don't need anything but you ... - she whispered-only you ...

He looked at her and he loved her. He didn't know what to was never able to express feelings so he simply walked up to her and locked her in his stayed like that.. As if everything were to fall apart at the moment when he let go.

-I will never be your reason-he muttered burying his face in her hair-'ll stay forever, as long as you want. I wont be the reason anymore.

She didn't say anything. She didn't know whether he is telling the truth, she didn't want to know. Not now. As long as he was beside her, she might just be. She didn't need more. Nothing was important. She was no longer afraid, even if the voices in her head were screaming with fear. They didn't bothered her. They could scream even louder, for her they were too quiet. But they could not hurt her, even if they were a lie-Neji would make them go away. He promised that hewill protect her, so voices would finally die, fade, go away. She believed in him, because if he wanted it or not he was the reason. The reason to die or live. Voices began to sing their sinister songs .

-Tell them to be quiet-she asked softly.

-Shut up-he said without asking who she meant.  
Dissatisfied voices cried for the last time and disappeared somewhere in her head. She smiled. He truly was going to save her from herself.


	3. Chapter 3 Let go

He was gone again. Leaving her in this sad room, alone. She was closed, he said it was because he wanted her to be safe. TenTen believed him-in every least significant word, because she knew that Neji will disappear again. Every time she prayed for him to return to her , but she never asked. She wanted him to see what he does. She was sitting there half crazy and she knew that he, too, thought about her. And she wished she didn't love it. But now she was no longer able to take it back. Every day she descended into hell just to hear angry voices singing their prophetic songs , just to be able to lose herself so she could fall. Then he appeared. Everything she did ... Jumped out of the pit, losing her breath, just to hear him say that he will stay.

-I promise to get us back ...

She watched as the progress goes. Why he had to left? She couldn't touch him, nor he could touch her.

She has been spilled on the floor. She was a rose, which had nothing but thorns. She suffered, tore herself piece by piece, and she has already lost in this , she didn't know if she loves it or hates it, she wasn't sure anymore. She wanted to sleep for so long now. He never had problem with that.

-You can not make yourself doing that anymore-so Neji was with her again. She didn't even notice when he appeared-you should forget a while ago. You should live.

Neji walked over to her and took her hand. TenTen let him lead her like a limp doll. Always barely felt his touch, even if the rain poured down from the sky with black streams cutting her skin. A large hand pulled her through a narrow alley. She didn't understand how she could not know so much of this place yet know it so well. So many mistakes. Neji smiled at her and began to walk away. Fog enveloped her body again.

-Find me-he said sadly.

TenTen walked through the cold mist. Why did she know this place? Few steps, few trees, few marble slabs. She was smiling. She propably touched her stomach with something sharp, cuz she felt a strange pang.

-Find me.

She fell to her knees, fingertips touching the hard stone.

-I already did-she said distractedly-For too long, Neji, too far. Stop breathing if you've never see you again. And I forgive you, I ... I just so afraid to let go ...

-I will be with you.

About one drop too much fell on stone. She could not fight the tears that weren't coming. She was so far away, but she didn't want to miss him. She didn't want anyone to know. And so they would not understand. She lay down on the cool grass. She felt pain, but that was fine because it was letting her know she was alive. She didn't care if it was too late. Nothing was real until it was gone. Without him, she didn't even have a pulse. It was cold and dark. No one could save her soul, with every move she was dying. She fought to get trough the night. She was losing it. That's who she was - it wasn't the person that she wanted to be. But now she knew, and she was happy. Her whole body, now pale from accepting the cold, it was becoming more and more limp.

-I'm lettin go, Neji ...

-I'm waiting ..

She smiled. Rose fading, lost everything-even spikes. She is drifting away from the rain. It was so quiet. Too cold. Her hands were red, or so it seemed. She was just tired, so she closed her eyes.

-I am waiting.

Remaining forces she laid her hand on the marble expecting the cold to bite her skin, but it didn't came. It was no longer cold. With every move she was dying, but she just smiled.

Cold rain drops hitting the stone slab were mixing down with crimson red from a white hand. It was the first time when someone gave him something more than flowers. This time it was the heart. And it was the first time someone was happy standing over Neji Hyugas grave.


End file.
